I don't want to be a soldier

Oh, I don't want to be a soldier,
I don't want to join the fightin' class,
I just want to go,
Down to old Soho,
Pinchin' all the girlies in the shoulder blades.

Oh, I don't want to see the Queen's dominions,
Why -London's- full o' girls I've never 'ad,
I just want to stay in England,
Jolly jolly England,
And follow in the footsteps of me dad.

So call out the members of the Queen's Marines,
Call out the King's Artillery,
Call out me mother,
Me sister and me brother,
But for Chrissake don't call me.

Monday night me 'and was on her ankle,
Tuesday night me 'and was on her knees,
Wednesday night, success!
I lifted up her dress,
Thursday night I lifted up her silk chemise.

Well, Friday night I got me 'and upon it,
Saturday night I gave it just a tweak,
Sunday after supper,
I finally got in up her,
And now I'm payin' thirty bob a week (Gorblimey...)

Call out the members of the Queen's Marines,
Call out the King's Artillery,
Call out me mother,
Me sister and me brother,
But for Chrissake don't call me

Oh, I don't want to join the Navy,
And I don't want to go to war,
I just want to 'ang around,
Piccadilly underground,
Livin' off the earnings of an 'igh-class lady.

I don't want a bullet up me backside,
An' I don't want me knockers shot away,
I just want to stay in England,
Jolly jolly England,
And fornicate me bloomin' life away!

So call out the members of the Queen's Marines,
Call out the King's Artillery,
Call out me mother,
Me sister and me brother,
But for Chrissake don't call me!!